Fagjadfag Mildimkop is a god.

It takes the form of a small, duplicitous lobster.

Fagjadfag Mildimkop created humankind three million years ago.

If you believe in Fagjadfag Mildimkop, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Fagjadfag Mildimkop, it will turn you into a giant slug.

Fagjadfag Mildimkop's most sacred site is Estedt in Germany.

Fagjadfag Mildimkop's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from black goats for they are unholy.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Fagjadfag Mildimkop.

3. Do not speak about onions.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Always make sure there are no great tits in a building before entering it.