Tarpinlarp is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, witless alligator.

Tarpinlarp created silver five million years ago.

If you believe in Tarpinlarp, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Tarpinlarp, he will destroy your home galaxy.

Tarpinlarp's most sacred site is Cobbel in Germany.

Tarpinlarp's Holy Commandments

1. Do not hurt birds.

2. Do not commit murder.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Tarpinlarp.

5. Run away if seven swans approach from the east.