Latkem is a god.

She takes the form of a microscopic, emotional tapir.

Latkem created humankind four billion years ago.

If you believe in Latkem, she will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Latkem, she will send you a strongly worded letter.

Latkem's most sacred site is Gorslas in Wales.

Latkem's Holy Commandments

1. Do not jump in public.

2. Always make sure there are no otters in a room before entering it.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Latkem.

4. Always treat monkeys with great respect.

5. Worship no other gods but Latkem.