Fetcudrap is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, loving whale.

Fetcudrap created snails four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fetcudrap, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Fetcudrap, he will not invite you to parties.

Fetcudrap's most sacred site is Fangchuan in China.

Fetcudrap's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear white clothing.

2. Erect a large platinum sculpture of Fetcudrap on top of all buildings.

3. Never wear skirts.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.