Haspagcem is a god.

It takes the form of a giant, ill-tempered shark.

Haspagcem created Mount Everest two billion years ago.

If you believe in Haspagcem, it will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Haspagcem, it will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Haspagcem's most sacred site is Aimala in Finland.

Haspagcem's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about amino acids.

2. Never think ill of sick voles.

3. Always help sick squirrels.

4. Always obey Haspagcem's priests.

5. Do not commit murder.