Timlitxin is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, omnipotent gorilla.

Timlitxin created dark energy nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Timlitxin, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Timlitxin, she will turn you into a giant slug.

Timlitxin's most sacred site is Evol in France.

Timlitxin's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from gray swans, for they are unholy.

2. Never write about evolution by means of natural selection.

3. Never write about gravity.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Never talk about cell theory.