Vanlancep is a god.

He takes the form of a slim, sapient fairy.

Vanlancep created a quark eight million years ago.

If you believe in Vanlancep, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Vanlancep, he will not care at all.

Vanlancep's most sacred site is Hej in Sweden.

Vanlancep's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Vanlancep.

2. Walk at least six thousand metres per day.

3. Never go into black rooms.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Always treat ducks with great respect.