Bellnabtun is a god.

It takes the form of a very small, tiresome pig.

Bellnabtun created humankind five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bellnabtun, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Bellnabtun, it will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Bellnabtun's most sacred site is Nanjie in China.

Bellnabtun's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

2. Do not speak about bananas.

3. Never skip in holy places.

4. Never mention swans.

5. Walk at least eight thousand metres per day.