Gupzenjip is a god.

He takes the form of a small, confident jaguar.

Gupzenjip created dark matter six billion years ago.

If you believe in Gupzenjip, he will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Gupzenjip, he will turn you into a hamster.

Gupzenjip's most sacred site is Ilmola in Finland.

Gupzenjip's Holy Commandments

1. Gupzenjip loves gulls, so they must be respected.

2. Always help sick mice.

3. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.