Yarlbanbass is a god.

She takes the form of a six thousand metre long, thoughtless crab.

Yarlbanbass created the planet Jupiter two billion years ago.

If you believe in Yarlbanbass, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Yarlbanbass, she will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Yarlbanbass' most sacred site is Ilmola in Finland.

Yarlbanbass' Holy Commandments

1. Look mercifully on unfortunate pigs.

2. Never talk about asteroids.

3. Do not dye your hair yellow.

4. Never paint your feet red.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.