Ladtipnak is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, pitiless pigeon.

Ladtipnak created the planet Saturn eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Ladtipnak, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Ladtipnak, she will turn you into a goat.

Ladtipnak's most sacred site is Ulsted in Denmark.

Ladtipnak's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if three sheep approach from the west.

2. Do not cook food in pots.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Never jump in holy places.

5. Never talk about asteroids.