Cimsatpag is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, passionate gorilla.

Cimsatpag created a top quark nine million years ago.

If you believe in Cimsatpag, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Cimsatpag, he will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Cimsatpag's most sacred site is Paavola in Finland.

Cimsatpag's Holy Commandments

1. Do not take Cimsatpag's name in vain.

2. Always stare at clouds.

3. Always make sure there are no horses in a building before entering it.

4. Do not wear fawn clothing.

5. Never talk about gravity.