Damflowmutmif is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, thoughtless bat.

Damflowmutmif created dark matter seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Damflowmutmif, she will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Damflowmutmif, she will turn you into a slug.

Damflowmutmif's most sacred site is Khwee in Botswana.

Damflowmutmif's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about amino acids.

2. Erect a large lead sculpture of Damflowmutmif on top of all buildings.

3. Never go into purple rooms.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Never write about the weak nuclear force.