Nelbemstip is a god.

He takes the form of a large, competent cow.

Nelbemstip created the planet Earth four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Nelbemstip, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Nelbemstip, he will have an extremely low opinion of you.

Nelbemstip's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Nelbemstip's Holy Commandments

1. Do not eat lentils.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Never eat green fruit.

4. Never sit near rats.

5. Do not make images of living things.