Ontnellkap is a god.

It takes the form of a rotund, idiotic guinea pig.

Ontnellkap created a Higgs boson two years ago.

If you believe in Ontnellkap, it will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Ontnellkap, it will turn you into a tree.

Ontnellkap's most sacred site is Aranganur in India.

Ontnellkap's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about cell theory.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Erect a large silver sculpture of Ontnellkap on top of all buildings.

4. Do not wear tin on your body.

5. Always take life seriously.