Artfunkar is a god.

He takes the form of a large, vain snail.

Artfunkar created humankind four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Artfunkar, he will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Artfunkar, he will jump up and down on your head.

Artfunkar's most sacred site is Temmes in Finland.

Artfunkar's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat beans.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Do not shave your feet.

4. Look mercifully on unfortunate mice.

5. Erect four aluminium sculptures of Artfunkar on top of important buildings.