Tikmumflan is a god.

She takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, quiet lobster.

Tikmumflan created the Black Eye Galaxy eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tikmumflan, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Tikmumflan, she will ignore you.

Tikmumflan's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Tikmumflan's Holy Commandments

1. Tikmumflan must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Never paint your feet turquoise.

3. Mice are not to be trusted.

4. Do not shave your arms.

5. Never mention sheep.