Dapcunbaf is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly large, selfish dingo.

Dapcunbaf created a quark nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Dapcunbaf, it will not care.

If you do not believe in Dapcunbaf, it will manifest in front of you.

Dapcunbaf's most sacred site is Amrit in Egypt.

Dapcunbaf's Holy Commandments

1. Do not stand on grass.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Always help pigs.

4. Never feed onions to seals while wearing brown jumpers.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.