Hinjarndin is a god.

She takes the form of a five hundred metre long, deceitful pig.

Hinjarndin created a quark six million years ago.

If you believe in Hinjarndin, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Hinjarndin, she will turn you into a giant snail.

Hinjarndin's most sacred site is Turckheim in France.

Hinjarndin's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Run away from purple turtles, for they are unholy.

4. Never think ill of sick porpoises.

5. Never go into yellow rooms.