Gabnakkar is a god.

She takes the form of a very large, unsympathetic human.

Gabnakkar created the world two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gabnakkar, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Gabnakkar, she will curse you with boils.

Gabnakkar's most sacred site is Letino in Italy.

Gabnakkar's Holy Commandments

1. Do not stand on grass.

2. Never eat rice.

3. You must love Gabnakkar.

4. Never talk about asteroids.

5. Hide if five eagles approach from the south.