Titbatvig is a god.

He takes the form of a slim, amazing zebra.

Titbatvig created the Large Magellanic Cloud four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Titbatvig, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Titbatvig, he will turn you into a mole.

Titbatvig's most sacred site is Uruachi in Mexico.

Titbatvig's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

3. Do not hurt snakes.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Do not trade with those who eat bread.