Kemhudlip is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, contented cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Kemhudlip created an electron four billion years ago.

If you believe in Kemhudlip, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Kemhudlip, she will destroy your favourite solar system.

Kemhudlip's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Kemhudlip's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Kemhudlip.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Kemhudlip.

3. Never talk about porpoises.

4. Do not speak about grapes.

5. Never talk about fire.