Midafjarn is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, resourceful manatee.

Midafjarn created humankind three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Midafjarn, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Midafjarn, he will have a low opinion of you.

Midafjarn's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Midafjarn's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed aubergines to snails while wearing red jumpers.

2. Worship no other gods but Midafjarn.

3. Erect six zinc sculptures of Midafjarn on top of important buildings.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of aluminium.

5. Hide from violet tortoises for they are unholy.