Lapfasgat is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, merciful slug.

Lapfasgat created dark matter four billion years ago.

If you believe in Lapfasgat, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Lapfasgat, she will attempt to scare you with lightening.

Lapfasgat's most sacred site is Yongding in China.

Lapfasgat's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about evolution by means of natural selection.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Lapfasgat.

3. Never look at stars.

4. Never think about comets.

5. Do not drink water in yellow rooms.