Sawontsog is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, fast giraffe.

Sawontsog created the planet Earth five billion years ago.

If you believe in Sawontsog, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Sawontsog, he will attempt to scare you with floods.

Sawontsog's most sacred site is Temmes in Finland.

Sawontsog's Holy Commandments

1. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

3. Never talk about cell theory.

4. Do not dye your hair black.

5. Never eat bark.