Carlitrat is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, boastful snail.

Carlitrat created a down quark eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Carlitrat, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Carlitrat, it will send two she bears to sort you out.

Carlitrat's most sacred site is Edenryd in Sweden.

Carlitrat's Holy Commandments

1. Never bounce in the presence of geese.

2. Always pray immersed in water.

3. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Do not cook food in pots.