Vonkvinbiss is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, proud skunk.

Vonkvinbiss created gold nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Vonkvinbiss, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Vonkvinbiss, she will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Vonkvinbiss' most sacred site is Issigeac in France.

Vonkvinbiss' Holy Commandments

1. You must love Vonkvinbiss.

2. Never talk about cell theory.

3. Do not make images of living things.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Never wear cyan shirts.