Vanwegsom Nigkipgun is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, irritating seal.

Vanwegsom Nigkipgun created matter three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Vanwegsom Nigkipgun, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Vanwegsom Nigkipgun, he will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Vanwegsom Nigkipgun's most sacred site is Qangwa in Botswana.

Vanwegsom Nigkipgun's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray immersed in water.

2. Do not covet oxen.

3. Pray towards the east.

4. Never hurt whales.

5. Always make a point of helping unfortunate birds.