Dagbenkarxuc is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, loving slug.

Dagbenkarxuc created Europe nine million years ago.

If you believe in Dagbenkarxuc, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Dagbenkarxuc, she will jump up and down on your head.

Dagbenkarxuc's most sacred site is Paavola in Finland.

Dagbenkarxuc's Holy Commandments

1. Do not hurt ants.

2. Never go into pink rooms.

3. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

4. Never think about the weak nuclear force.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.