Gofcum is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely large, merciful newt.

Gofcum created the solar system five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gofcum, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Gofcum, it will refuse to believe in you.

Gofcum's most sacred site is Denshawai in Egypt.

Gofcum's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention doves.

2. Feed all hungry whales.

3. Do not eat parsnips.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.