Jatyarpfod is a god.

It takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, tiresome newt.

Jatyarpfod created a down quark eight million years ago.

If you believe in Jatyarpfod, it will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Jatyarpfod, it will destroy your favourite dwarf planet.

Jatyarpfod's most sacred site is Hetta in Finland.

Jatyarpfod's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate sharks.

3. Always obey Jatyarpfod's priests.

4. Never write about horizontal gene transfer.

5. Jatyarpfod loves bats, so they must be honoured.