Tofflagnadjarn is a god.

She takes the form of a minute, benevolent squirrel.

Tofflagnadjarn created bats seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tofflagnadjarn, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Tofflagnadjarn, she will turn you into a hamster.

Tofflagnadjarn's most sacred site is Thimmanaickenpalayam in India.

Tofflagnadjarn's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear coats.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Never mention dogs.

4. Never write about the strong nuclear force.

5. Never wear purple rings.