Flankankabrip is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, unfair seal.

Flankankabrip created the planet Jupiter twelve years ago.

If you believe in Flankankabrip, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Flankankabrip, she will turn you into a giant slug.

Flankankabrip's most sacred site is Rutalahti in Finland.

Flankankabrip's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no porpoises in a building before entering it.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Always wear fawn.

4. Always help sick dolphins.

5. Do not wear blue clothing.