Pitquimwab is a god.

She takes the form of a two thousand metre long, dishonourable dog.

Pitquimwab created a down quark three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Pitquimwab, she will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Pitquimwab, she will send you a strongly worded letter.

Pitquimwab's most sacred site is Mogonono in Botswana.

Pitquimwab's Holy Commandments

1. Never look at planets.

2. Always make sure there are no grasshopers in a building before entering it.

3. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.