Pinkapmet is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, cheerful coyote.

Pinkapmet created snails eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Pinkapmet, he will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Pinkapmet, he will turn you into a giant slug.

Pinkapmet's most sacred site is Saint-Sauvan in France.

Pinkapmet's Holy Commandments

1. Never laugh in holy places.

2. Never feed oranges to nematodes while wearing black scarves.

3. Always obey Pinkapmet's priests.

4. Retreat if four eagles approach from the north.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.