Goffarbep Fobgofwot is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, stupid lizard.

Goffarbep Fobgofwot created dark matter four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Goffarbep Fobgofwot, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Goffarbep Fobgofwot, he will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Goffarbep Fobgofwot's most sacred site is Questenberg in Germany.

Goffarbep Fobgofwot's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about the weak nuclear force.

2. Never feed peas to seals while wearing yellow corsets.

3. Always pray immersed in water.

4. Goffarbep Fobgofwot must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Always help sick pigs.