Satmitjad is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, wise walrus.

Satmitjad created Asia four billion years ago.

If you believe in Satmitjad, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Satmitjad, she will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Satmitjad's most sacred site is Úbeda in Spain.

Satmitjad's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to music.

2. Never eat bark.

3. You must love Satmitjad.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Do not speak about oranges.