Tikfligdut is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely thin, thoughtless crab.

Tikfligdut created time and space twelve years ago.

If you believe in Tikfligdut, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Tikfligdut, he will turn you into an amoeba.

Tikfligdut's most sacred site is Oitti in Finland.

Tikfligdut's Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair red.

2. Do not wear lead on your body.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Tikfligdut.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.