Lidpitsig is a god.

She takes the form of a four thousand metre long, merciful bear.

Lidpitsig created a photon nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lidpitsig, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Lidpitsig, she will think nothing of it.

Lidpitsig's most sacred site is Ilmola in Finland.

Lidpitsig's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Lidpitsig.

2. Always treat doves with great respect.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Never bounce in holy places.

5. Never eat pineapples.