Gumrigwip Tabsiscit Ponquillop is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, two-faced finch.

Gumrigwip Tabsiscit Ponquillop created a top quark three million years ago.

If you believe in Gumrigwip Tabsiscit Ponquillop, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Gumrigwip Tabsiscit Ponquillop, he will laugh at you.

Gumrigwip Tabsiscit Ponquillop's most sacred site is Hongcun in China.

Gumrigwip Tabsiscit Ponquillop's Holy Commandments

1. Always treat pigs with great respect.

2. Gumrigwip Tabsiscit Ponquillop loves dolphins, so they must be honoured.

3. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Run away from blue shrews, for they are unholy.