Sterpakgad is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely thin, humorless eagle.

Sterpakgad created a charm quark three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Sterpakgad, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Sterpakgad, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Sterpakgad's most sacred site is Landsort in Sweden.

Sterpakgad's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your face.

2. Never go into purple rooms.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Sterpakgad.

4. Hide if six gulls approach from the east.

5. Do not sit in public.