Vonkwancap is a god.

It takes the form of a minute, passionate bat.

Vonkwancap created humanity eight million years ago.

If you believe in Vonkwancap, it will approve.

If you do not believe in Vonkwancap, it will send two she bears to sort you out.

Vonkwancap's most sacred site is Littoinen in Finland.

Vonkwancap's Holy Commandments

1. Vonkwancap loves squirrels, so they must be respected.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

3. Do not chop down trees.

4. Worship no other gods but Vonkwancap.

5. Never eat corn.