Lipvanwan is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, moody narwhal.

Lipvanwan created the Whirlpool Galaxy eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lipvanwan, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Lipvanwan, she will attempt to scare you with hail.

Lipvanwan's most sacred site is Úbeda in Spain.

Lipvanwan's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about evolution by means of natural selection.

2. Never bounce in holy places.

3. Worship no other gods but Lipvanwan.

4. Erect three lead sculptures of Lipvanwan on top of important buildings.

5. Never eat bark.