Appgenbog Flaphendam Wapdibkem is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, humorless whale.

Appgenbog Flaphendam Wapdibkem created humanity five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Appgenbog Flaphendam Wapdibkem, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Appgenbog Flaphendam Wapdibkem, she will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Appgenbog Flaphendam Wapdibkem's most sacred site is Khwee in Botswana.

Appgenbog Flaphendam Wapdibkem's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about gravity.

2. Do not commit murder.

3. Do not listen to music.

4. Run away if nine squirrels approach from the north.

5. Never talk about the strong nuclear force.