Arfyatsig is a god.

He takes the form of a six hundred metre long, unselfish mink.

Arfyatsig created tapeworms six billion years ago.

If you believe in Arfyatsig, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Arfyatsig, he will not invite you to parties.

Arfyatsig's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Arfyatsig's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

2. You must never eat peanuts.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Look mercifully on unfortunate shrews.

5. Always look after injured whales.