Flaphonart is a god.

She takes the form of a very thin, weak snake.

Flaphonart created carbon four billion years ago.

If you believe in Flaphonart, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Flaphonart, she will laugh at you.

Flaphonart's most sacred site is Qantir in Egypt.

Flaphonart's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

3. Do not kill ducks.

4. Retreat if four snakes approach from the north.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of nickel.