Bedzimcam is a god.

He takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, moody shrew.

Bedzimcam created life eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bedzimcam, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Bedzimcam, he will try to impress you with trees.

Bedzimcam's most sacred site is Dommerby in Denmark.

Bedzimcam's Holy Commandments

1. Look mercifully on unfortunate monkeys.

2. Never run in the presence of seals.

3. Never write about planets.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

5. Never paint your hands blue.