Jadpidmat Vanlopgum is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, ill-tempered walrus.

Jadpidmat Vanlopgum created humanity eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Jadpidmat Vanlopgum, he will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Jadpidmat Vanlopgum, he will turn you into a rat.

Jadpidmat Vanlopgum's most sacred site is Makopong in Botswana.

Jadpidmat Vanlopgum's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention grasshopers.

2. Erect seven silicon sculptures of Jadpidmat Vanlopgum on top of important buildings.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate whales.

4. Never play with disobedient children.

5. Always help dogs.