Volpadhat is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, emotional lizard.

Volpadhat created gold eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Volpadhat, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Volpadhat, he will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Volpadhat's most sacred site is Ringsted in Denmark.

Volpadhat's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about moons.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Volpadhat must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Never think ill of sick otters.

5. Never think about horizontal gene transfer.