Kikjopcum is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, able newt.

Kikjopcum created the Whirlpool Galaxy nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Kikjopcum, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Kikjopcum, he will turn you into a worm.

Kikjopcum's most sacred site is Bodieve in England.

Kikjopcum's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed rice to monkeys while wearing indigo corsets.

2. Look mercifully on unfortunate shrews.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Never think about planets.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.